Wednesday, 18 April 2018

being homeless

I have suddenly had the biggest urge to write. No, I don’t want to write about clothes or make-up or anything of materialistic sorts. I just want to write about me – All about me and what I’ve been up to. This is the time where a blogger would tell you to sit down, grab a coffee and a couple of biscuits as its gon’ be a long ride. However, I doubt it is even necessary for me to say that because who is gonna be sat reading this? I’ve been gone for so long and no, I am not opening this post with any promises of writing weekly or even monthly. Let’s just face facts – You may never hear off me again. I may simple vanish off the face of the earth and then holllllllla – It’s my 90th birthday bitches.

I have so much to tell you. Oh so much to talk about and without any doubt I will miss things off because I’m not writing a list or structuring this post; I’m going with the flow (kinda my mantra at the moment). Anyway, I guess it’s best to start off with where I’ve been and why my posts got so pathetically absent.

In October (last year) – I got made homeless. At the time, I was eighteen years old and it was the third time I have been made homeless. I’m sorry, can I hear a round of applause? I think it’s fucking fantastic. Homeless for the third time, WOOOOOO. What a bloody achievement, ay ay? Am I right, am I right? Of course, I’m right. You don’t get this kind of wisdom without being homeless for at least three times. It’s okay, if you’re jealous you can go right ahead and live in a cardboard box. I dare you. Right, back to my interesting story of homelessness. Of course, it was quite traumatic having to pack all of my belongings up into carrier bags but mostly, intensely mortifying (ugh). The weeks that followed consisted of sofa surfing and living out of a suitcase with clothes covered in cat shit and piss (yum). Honestly, if you’re running low on perfume, I would recommend getting some cats. There is nothing quite like the scent of cat urine. This homelessness went on for the space of a month and after three weeks I got so fucking mentally drained that I went to the doctors to be signed off work, I must mention that I categorically told him to not give me any pills of any sort (unless they were herbal lol). However, he insisted on giving me a prescription consisting of 14 diazepam’s. I sat there solemnly nodding my head (in the background you could just about hear violins playing) but, in my head I was just thinking “Mate, you should not give me these tablets”. Upon my last shift at work, I hid by my locker and literally just took all of the tablets (Please may I stress, I did not do this in a suicidal manor). I was just at a point in my life where I did not give a shit about anything and thought that it would be funny to see how fucked up I could get at work. There’s not much that I can really remember about that shift (I guess that’s the point) and I guess I was just very slow and tired. At this point I had nowhere to sofa surf and so the council put me up in a premier inn for a week. This was a very strange and almost unconscious week of my life. I was obviously signed off work so I spent my days just sat in a hotel room (I also wrote a lot). I had barley any money and so I wasn’t really eating – I was too anxious to leave the hotel room in the day time and so I would wait until it got dark at night and rush off to Tesco express and buy a meal deal (hahah). It’s literally just hit me in the face how hard of a time that must have been for me and I am so proud of myself for being strong and getting through it. I am also aware that there are A LOT of people worse off than me (people on the streets, people with no food etc) and so, I am still eternally grateful for this life that I have been blessed with. That week in the hotel room also did me the world of good for it was spent with me sleeping all day and reconnecting with my soul and also, facing my problems head on.

Halloween came which also meant payday and I managed to put a deposit down and pay the first month’s rent for a room in a house. This was such a huge achievement for me and again, I didn’t realise at the time just how strong and resilient I had been. The funny ending to this part of my story is that I had no one to help me move all of my stuff and so, I literally moved house in a taxi and it was fucking hilarious. I had two massive suitcases, two medium sized ones and a few bags (hahah, it still makes me smile to think of it). The taxi man turned up looking kind of pissed off but, I literally didn’t care. I sat there and kind of just looked out of the window and laughed about the fact that I was moving house in a taxi.

Since moving five months ago – A lot has happened. I guess that you could say I’ve begun the next chapter of my journey and it feels amazing. I have had a lot of highs and a lot of lows but, it is all part of the learning process to mould myself into the best version of myself that I can be. (I’m gonna go for a bath now but, I will be back soon).

I’m back. World announcement. Breaking news. Chloe is back from her bath!!

Okay, what I was saying is that I’ve had a lot of ups and downs these past five months. Nothing dramatic has particularly happened in my life during this time but, I think a lot of past emotions and events have unearthed themselves and have been brought to my consciousness. I wouldn’t say that this is a bad thing, I think that this is my bodies way of telling me “Okay, you’re strong enough to deal with this now”. Dealing with emotions is difficult for everybody, it’s a process of questioning yourself and answering yourself until you eventually figure things out. I don’t know why I’m finding this part so difficult to word – I think it might be because I’m listening to drum and bass and so I’m getting easily distracted haha.

I will try and talk about some of the easy stuff.

I turned nineteen this year and there is a deep part of me that is terrified about that but, at the same time I am just trying to accept it. The truth is that I don’t enjoy my birthdays – I never have. I can remember turning thirteen and crying (a reoccurring event on most birthdays). I don’t like the symbol of being a year older, I don’t like the idea that I am never going to be a certain age again (a lot of people probably feel like this). This is something that I really am trying to get over because I know that worrying about growing older just results in me not being in the present moment of being the age that I am now and living in that bliss.

Right, I am getting way too distracted by music so, I’m gonna come back and chat soon.

Hey, hey, hey – It’s three days later and I’m currently sat at the table in my moms house (a huge thing because we haven’t seen/spoken to each other in two years). This house is so nice, man. Its open plan with twirly metal stairs and a pointed roof that points into a window (I think it’s called a sun roof). I’m sat with candles burning around me, a few lamps are on and I’m listening to piano instrumentals. It’s amazing how a piece of music that has no words can hit you so deeply in the soul. I guess a sound can really scream out in sadness and wallow in pain. A sound can also screech in happiness and giggle along to the rhythms of your shaking laughing body. Music is fucking incredible. I love it.

Anyway, I’m going to try and get this post finished up and talk about some of the things that I’ve actually got up to this year.

In the space of three months I have had so many incredible experiences, I’ve been at the height of euphoria and the depths of depression due to serotonin being leached from my bones. I have seen colours that I haven’t seen before, I’ve seen things move that have never moved before. I’ve entered different dimensions and been on journeys through this spectacular universe. This planet puts me into a complete state of trance. The place we live is incredible. WE LIVE IN SPACE. We think we understand stuff just because we know that we need water, oxygen and food to survive but the fact of the matter is we know nothing. We know nothing!! There is something about that, that I find oddly satisfying. Our whole perception of reality is literally down to the consciousness of our minds and if that doesn’t scare you then you must be fearless because yes, it terrifies me but, it also fulfils me.

Other things that have happened is that I’ve turned vegan – It’s only been a few months but, I feel so empowered by it. I want to be the upmost compassionate and soft souled being that I have the capability to be and I know that if I’m going to do that then I cannot use my money to fund animal cruelty. I find it barbaric and unnecessary. I’m not trying to be a preacher and I honestly do not look down on anyone that eats meat as that is also part of me trying to be a compassionate person that respects everyone’s views and ways of life. I would never want to make a person feel bad for who they are.

I can’t concentrate right now because my little brother is sat next to me dipping pitta bread into hummus and asking me “Are you an author? You look like an author”. Chow belllllla.

I have also been doing A LOT of yoga and I’m really getting into the swing of it now. I understand how truly beautiful it is to connect with your breath and your body within a practice. The one thing that I love doing the most is wearing just underwear and bending my body and leaving trails of kisses all over my skin. It makes me love this home that I live in. It makes me so grateful for my body. It makes me feel like a work of art. It makes me fall in love with every bit of flesh, every hair, every scar – Everything. This is my temple and I’m finally on a journey to looking after it in the best way that it deserves to be treated which is such an empowering feeling.

I have SO much more to say but, right now this feels like an appropriate time to cease the tapping of my keyboard. I will be back when I have the urge to write but until then; Never forget how truly magical you are. You have the capability to do anything that you want to do. Other peoples opinions are not facts. You are worth more than what you look like. The goodness of your soul should always be the centre point of your existence. It’s never too late to rewrite mistakes of the past and erupt your entire being with goodness. We have all acted badly. We have all upset people. It does not make you a bad person. It’s never too late to change things. I promise.

You are enough.

If you’ve made it to the end of this post then truly, thank you.


Tuesday, 9 January 2018

A Life Update

I haven’t sat down and wrote for this blog in such a long time. I still feel as though I have a blog, a blog that I’m not actually creating content for but, nonetheless still a blog. I do in fact want to start creating for this blog again. With it being the beginning of a new year it is probably the best time for me to start creating again – To start documenting my journey through 2018 and onwards.

I’ve been thinking a lot at the moment, about writing in particular. I have realised just how scared and special writing is to me. I love to draw and to read and make things but, without a doubt – Writing is my most favourite form of art and so, it makes sense for me to try and challenge that and grow with it. I have realised that the topics I was discussing on this blog are not the best way for me to challenge my writing. Of course, I love clothes and jewellery and skin care BUT it’s a very structured form of writing and it’s definitely not my favourite topics to write about.

I want to talk about growth and goals and spirituality – Things that get my heart beating and my tummy fluttering. I want to write about the things that are most important to me and I feel that writing about these things are the best way for me to challenge myself. I also want to write about and document my journey in this world, talk about my highs and my lows; The things that make me happy and the things that make me sad. Talking about the texture of my favourite jumper and the patterns on my favourite shoes is not the right thing for me to talk about.

What I’m trying to say is that I am going to create content for this blog but, I’m going to create it as and when I want too. That might mean not posting for a month or posting every single day for a month. That’s the great thing about writing – You do it as and when you want too, not because you feel like you need to.

I am very excited that I have finally figured out what I want to do with this blog. Yes, it’s going to be all over the place but, I’m a little all over the place and I am definitely okay with that.

I hope to speak to you soon but, until that time – I hope that you are well and happy new year (even if it is nine days late).

Thursday, 17 August 2017

My New Fitness Journey

In the past month or so I have completely restarted my fitness routine – I used to work out a lot and after stopping for a few months, I’m just getting back into the swing of it. I thought that I would bring my fitness to this blog as it’s a big part of my life and I also thought it’d be nice to have a place to document my journey. Let’s get motivated.

The best place to start would probably be with my history of fitness. I used to really dislike my body, I was never necessarily big but, I was always bloated – I pigged out A LOT. So, from the age of about 12/13 I used to set myself the task of getting fit at the beginning of every year yet, I never could stick to it. Of course, the feeling of giving up left me deflated but, I think I was too young to really get into the correct mind set in order to work out effectively. Soon enough, January of 2015 rolled around – I had the same resolution but, this time was different; this time I was going to stick to it. I built up slowly, for the first two months I literally did a 30 day ab & squat challenge and then worked out for three days a week. I probably worked out for about 15 minutes on my “working out days”. Soon enough I was working out one hour a day, five days a week. At my peak of fitness I was going to the gym for over two hours a day, six days a week. As you can imagine, I was VERY proud of myself. As it turns out, slowly building up was the way for me to develop a love for fitness (I will do a structured post on this as I think it could help a lot of people out).

You’re probably wondering why I’m writing this post; If I was so into fitness, how did I wind up not doing it? Well, life simply got in the way. I moved to a new place and just as I was about to sort a membership out for a gym, I had to move again – I ended up moving quite a few times and over that period of time I just fell out of the habit of working out. So, at the beginning of this year I was all ready to start my fitness up again – I kind of stuck to it and kind of didn’t. I did a little bit of working out here and there but, it wasn’t enough. On top of that, I got quite sick in March/April this year and I couldn’t even think about working out. Once again, I was thrown a bit off guard. I didn’t want to be defeated though so, half way through June I began to work out for about ten minutes a day and in July I was doing about twenty minutes a day, five days a week. It helped me to build back up my love for fitness – It reminded me of how I got into it in the first place.

That brings me to now – August. Over the period of August I have been working out for about 40-60 minutes a day, five days a week and I am finally starting to see some progress again which makes me really happy. I’ve been eating pretty healthy, I have way more than my five a day and I’ve been eating a lot of protein. However, some days I will go to my local SPAR and literally spend like seven pounds on junk food (haha, life is all about balance). The reason why this feels like the start of my fitness journey is because I feel like I’m properly working out now, in comparison to short little bursts. I am nowhere near where I want to be but, I’m building up – Slow and steady wins the race.

The areas that I want to work on at the moment are my oblique’s (this is your waist area – working on this helps to give you more of an hourglass shape but of course, genetics help), my lower back and my glutes. My main focus is definitely my legs and glutes as I really want to try and bulk them up a little bit and get some more shape.

So, what am I doing you may ask? I’m not going to the gym, at the moment I’m working out from home which I’m really enjoying. I am currently using “Blogilates”, which is a fitness channel on YouTube (I’ve used it since trying to get fit when I was 12). As my glutes are my main focus, I have set up a series of three leg days and two ab days. These are all separate playlists, consisting of six videos each – All an hour or under. If you happen to me interested in following the same plan that I’m on then I have left the links to each playlist underneath for you J

I am planning on making a fitness series, one for me to track my progress and also so we can all get motivated together. I’m very excited for this new chapter.

See you next Tuesday,

C x

Monday, 7 August 2017

Himalayn Salt and Skincare Treatment

I was recently doing a food shop in ASDA. Now, the thing that I love to do at the moment is look at all the bargains/reduced items in stores – Honestly, it fills me with so much excitement haha. So, whilst I was rooting around the reduced shelf, I found a bag of Himalayan Salt that was reduced from five pound to two pound. Of course, I couldn’t resist – I knew I had to buy it.

Upon bathing in it, I noticed that the salt didn’t tend to dissolve into the water (which is what I expected it to do) and my skin began to peel. Sorry for the icky thought for those of you that have funny stomachs. Anyway, I was intrigued; I really wanted to find out what it is and how it works so, that’s exactly what I did.

Before I get into the really interesting stuff, lemme tell you some background information on Himalayan Salt. I know just how much you want to hear it – Time to get educated. Himalayan Salt is basically a form of rock salt, another term for it is “halite”. It is from the Punjab region of Pakistan – I have included a map to help you decipher where it actually is. It is mined from the Khewra Salt Mine which just so happens to be 190 miles from the Himalayas. Based upon the name of the salt I personally expected it to be much closer to the Himalayas but, I suppose it is still relatively close in comparison to the entirety of the planet.

Now onto the REALLY cool stuff. That’s right, cooooool stuff.

Himalayan Salt is basically, really good for your skin. It helps to combat skin diseases such as eczema, psoriasis, acne and many more. As well as this it helps to heal: injures and sprains, insect bites, blisters, fungal conditions etc.… Of course, it’s all natural as well (Huge bonus points).

It’s all very well knowing that it’s good for the skin BUT, why is it so good for the skin you may ask?

Well, when water and salt are combined, the water actually begins to break down the geometrical structure of salt which results in the salts biophotons releasing pure energy. Just in case you don’t know (I didn’t know) – Biophotons are photons of light, stored in the ultraviolet and low visible light range. Of course, we can’t see these. The pure energy that’s released ends up penetrating our skin, this then stimulates natural cell growth and regenerates our skin (Woohoooo).

Bathing in salt is SO much better than just having a normal bath. I didn’t know this but, a normal bath actually extracts moisture from our bodies whereas a salt bath actually keeps our skin more moisturised. It keeps our skin moisturised because, when that pure energy penetrates our skin it is actually storing salt in the upper callused layer of our skin – This essentially maintains and protects our upper layer of skin, helping to lock in moisture and prevent it from drying out.

Did you know that a thirty minute salt bath is the equivalent to a three day fast? The reason for this is because it majorly detoxifies our bodies as all of our bad toxins are released into the bath whilst the minerals from the salt are absorbed (like I was explaining before). This then reduces the acidic levels in our bodies and balances PH levels in our skin. This really does help to enhance your bodies self-healing powers as the current and vibrations running through your body is more balanced and at the right frequency.

Your skin is your biggest organ – Look after it.

Disclaimer – If you have heart or circulation issues, you should contact a physician before using.

Happy bathing.

See you next Tuesday,

C x

Tuesday, 1 August 2017

Chester Bennington

 am writing this post for Chester Bennington. I am writing this to thank you. I am writing this to apologise. I am writing this because your death has truly pulled on my heart strings – I am writing this because I can’t stop thinking about what happened to you. I am writing this because a little bit of hope died in me on the day you realised you couldn’t live in this world anymore. I am writing this because I am angry, I am so angry. I am sick and tired of mental health not being taken seriously. I am writing this because my heart breaks every time someone leaves this world out of their own choice.

Chester. Linkin Park. Your music has been in my ears since before I learned to walk. I was probably banging my head along to your music before I said my first words. I owe that to my dad. He was the one blasting your music through the cars speakers. Your words have been circulating in my mind for as long as I can remember and I have always been so proud of that. I have always been proud to be a part of your family – Proud to be part of music that hits you in the deepest parts of your mind, music that makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, music that brings a tear to your eye but also a glint of hope; a flicker of fire.

I have a lot to thank you for – SO MUCH. There have been completely broken but, do you know what you did? You gave me that fire, you gave me that hope, you gave me the ammunition I needed to keep going. You stopped me from breaking. You helped me to keep living. You helped me to stay strong. I wish I could put into words just how much you have impacted my life but, I don’t think I ever can but, let me tell you this. The fact that I am sat here today, living my life, experiencing the highs and lows – That is partially down to you. It is no over exaggeration when I say that you helped me get through some of my darkest days, I don’t say stuff like that lightly. I remember getting the bus home from sixth form, I was so close to being broken – So close. Do you know what I did? I stuck my earphones in and the familiar thud of “In the end” took over my ears and I allowed myself to be swallowed in by the music. It was the first time I’d ever really listened to those lyrics, of course I’d listened to them before but this was different, they resonated with me – They hit me in the soul. The lyrics overwrote my sadness with anger and I want to thank you for that because do you know what anger is? Anger is fire, anger is fight, anger is “Fuck you, you’re not going to break me”. Thank you. Thank you so much.

I want to apologise. I want to say sorry because I can’t help but feeling bad for the fact that you’ve helped me and so many (SO MANY) others get through hard times yet, there was no one there to help you. That just hurts so much. I don’t think you realised just how many people’s lives you impacted – Just how many people you helped. I can’t begin to imagine what you were feeling – I’ve been in dark places but I’ve never been in a place that dark. I hate the fact that your thoughts were destroying you, that your mind was knowing at your insides and slowly killing you. You didn’t deserve that. You deserved happiness and I am so sorry that, that’s not what you were feeling.

I want you to know that you are and always will be a hero of mine. I want you to know that I will ALWAYS respect you. One day, I will be driving in my car with my children and they will be having your music taking over their ears. You will be a friend to them and I know that, that will bring them comfort. Comfort and hope.

Rest easy Chester – I hope that the pain has gone now. Please be okay.

For anyone that’s reading this that is suffering with mental health issues, suicidal thoughts, self harm, low moods; ANYTHING. Please, please, please – Don’t suffer in silence. Life can and does get better, I promise. You need to talk about it, you need to get it out. You were not made to feel these feelings all alone – That is not what you were put on this planet for. Please speak about it. Please don’t bottle it up. I don’t want you to leave this planet. I know I don’t know who you are but I care about you, I hate the thought of you not being here anymore. I’m going to leave my email address because I want you to know that I am ALWAYS here. That is my promise, from me to you. Whenever you’re feeling low, you can talk to me. You don’t need to tell me who you are, where you are, what you are – I don’t care. I just want you to be okay.

I am here for you – I promise.

I am going to download an app like KIK, or something along those lines instead of putting my email on here - I will include it in my next post.

You will always have a friend in me.

Tuesday, 25 July 2017

Fashion Inspiration

I was recently looking through all of the new clothes on the MissGuided website and lemme tell you – They have some really nice bits and pieces on there. Whilst I was scrolling through them with my mad dreamy heart eyes, I just knew that I had to put them in a blogpost and share some of their best bits with you all. This is only a select few so, if I was you I’d head over to the website after reading this (be prepared to burn a big hole in your pocket). Ready? Lets go!!

I absolutely LOVE this embroidered mesh crop top. It’s gorgeous. I’ve been noticing recently that this kind of floral print is everywhere. Obviously, the floral print has been around since before us, our mums and our nans were born (haha). Yet, I’ve noticed that this floral print seems to be drawing on twigs, stems and leaves as opposed to the actual flower but itself. It definitely seems to be more Autumnal inspired (crazy I know but, all the sales are getting rid of summer clothes for cough cough AUTUMN WHAT!!!). Of course, it’s still a crop top and it’s still very summery but, I think it’s something you could wear all year round. I like how the model has paired it with a plain black bralet – I would definitely do the same. For the bottoms, I would find a faux leather skirt in the green/yellow shade that the stems have – It would look so amazing.

Ah, I really do start thinking of all sorts of amazing outfits when I see wrap over mesh trousers. Luckily, they do come with the knicker underlay so you would never be worrying about that side of it – From there you just need a pretty bralette or vest top and you’re sorted. The one thing that I love about these mesh trousers (something that other types are missing) is how there’s a slit up the leg of them, it gives them more of a “swishy” look which I think would look great as you were dancing on a night out. You could put sparkles and glitter over your legs and every so often, you would get the glimmer from them – It would look amazing. The belt is such a good idea, I really think it adds a statement to the outfit and helps to provide a block between the trousers and the top, adding to the contrast of the outfit. If you zoom in you will see just how beautiful the belt is – I need it in my life right now.

I know that this bralette may just look like your typical lace bralette but hold with me, holdddd with me. You may have noticed that it’s longer than your typical bralette and if you have noticed that, then you’re right. I love that the added extra length of it really helps to create an impact to the look as you’ve got more lace against bare skin which is always such a nice look. The plunging neckline and the skinny straps really give off a classy look – It could easily be very over the top but it’s been designed in a very simplistic way. My idea with this was that it would look amazing on a shorter person – Of course, it’s designed for a taller person so can you imagine it as a full length bralette (Just to set the record straight – I’ve never seen a full length bralette (EVER).  Wow, I’m glad I’ve finished talking about that – I feel like I’ve said “bralette” about a million times. Not an overexageration, okay.

I’ve only just realised how nice the skirt and the “like no other” top would look together. It would be such a simple and casual outfit yet, it would still look ever so nice and stylish. The blue denim has such a nice hue to it, it’s almost like the perfect shade of denim. It’s bright but, in a natural and worn in way. The fact that it’s distressed really helps in keeping with the worn in and casual vibes. There is a lot of rips across the skirts which in some cases, I find ruins it and makes it look overdone BUT the designers have really nailed this one on the head. You could definitely wear the top with the skirt, you could either: tuck it in, tie it with a knot at the side or even tie it with a knot at the front. There’s multiple ways to style it. I know it may look like the flowers/twigs are embroidery but, in actual fact they’re graphics. When I read that in the description, it made me like the top more. Everything has embroidery across it nowadays and I do really like it BUT sometimes it’s good to change it up a little bit. The other thing that I really like is the font of the writing, I like how it’s big, bold and quite officey. Officey is definitely not a word (haha) – I’m hoping you understand what I mean.

Okay, so the pink shorts and bralette are pyjamas but, I think you could definitely get away with it as an outfit on holiday or to a festival. Nonetheless, as a pyjama set – It’s absolutely gorgeous. I don’t know if I’m the only one (I’m sure I’m not) but, I feel so much better when I’m in a pair of matching pyjamas, especially when they’re cute ones like these. Even if you’re home alone and no one is going to see you in them, there’s something about a nice pair of pyjamas that puts you in a good mood and makes you want to get cosy and watch a movie. These are exactly those kind of PJs. Ahh, out of everything I’ve shown you so far I honestly think I want these the most. I know the saying is “A girl can never have too many shoes”. Well, I think “A girl can never have too many pyjamas” – You can’t go wrong.

What was that about saving the best until last? Uh huhhhh, I totally went there and I defineltely (by far) saved the best till’ last. I honestly can’t get over these oversized tortoise shell glasses. I mean – Look at the lens for starters, it’s a mixture of copper, bronze and gold; It’s the perfect shade. The contrast between the lens and the tortoise shell pattern is perfect, it flows so effortlessly. The final feature of these glasses that I love is the transition from the tortoise shell pattern to the plain black. So effortless. So chic.

I hope you enjoyed this post, maybe it’s given you some inspiration and if it has – My job here is done. I really can’t wait to start building a new wardrobe up and looking at clothes online has really been giving me ideas for the direction I want to take my wardrobe in.

Anyway, have a great week and thank you for reading.

See you next Tuesday.

C x

Tuesday, 18 July 2017

6 Month Update

I’m a bit late on the bandwagon as it’s now reaching the end of July but, it’s time to do a half year recap. Firstly, can you believe that we’re already over half way through the year? I know I sound like everybody and their mum bit, it’s unbelievable how fast it’s flown by. I really can’t get my head around it. Nonetheless, I’m very excited that summer is here. The weather is getting warmer, I’m building up my summer wardrobe AND everything in my life is on the right path. Metaphorically, the sun has come up again.

I don’t really know how to structure this post because, there is SO much to it. I literally have so much to talk about and it’s kind of like when you’re tidying your room but you don’t know where to start. Do you get me or am I just rambling about stuff that doesn’t make sense.

Ya need to get a pot of tea (not a cup, a pot), this is going to be a long post.


One of the things that I really wanted to do this year was set up a blog and here I am; blogging. I’m very much at the start of my journey with this blog but, I’m thoroughly enjoying it and I can’t wait to see what it grows into. It’s nice to have a hobby that’s also helping me learn about things at the same time. Having this blog has helped me to organise and plan things to a deadline, nobody is holding me at gun point telling me to do any of the things that I do for this blog BUT I know what I need to do in order to help it grow so, I have to organise and plan around that. Since I started this blog, I’m yet to miss a Tuesday (the day I upload a new post) which is a big achievement for me although it does sound like a small thing. On top of all that, it’s nice to have a place of my own where I can create content that represents me – It’s an amazing feeling. I appreciate every comment, follow, like, read – It all oddly means a strange amount to me.

My goals for this blog over the next six months are quite clear to me – I know the next step that I have to take. I want to be uploading two posts a week, I would love to be doing three posts a week but, that’s more of a goal for 2018. I would also like to have a better blog design and to have bought my own domain just because I feel like I’ll have more freedom with it. I have lots of ideas for how I want my blog to look so, it’ll be very exciting to see them become a reality. Finally, I would love to do a collab with another blogger (if you’re interested in this then please leave me a comment). I just think it would be a really fun and enjoyable experience that I’d also learn a lot from.

                       HEALTH AND FITNESS

 I used to work out a lot, like two hours at the gym, six days a week kind of a lot. I was very healthy, in actual fact – I was vegetarian, almost vegan. However, life got in the way and I couldn’t go to the gym which I think had a huge part in me giving up on vegetarianism. Anyway, I wanted to get back to working out and eating healthily this year which I’m definitely on the road to doing. Like I said, the first few months were quite bumpy and things only started to settle around April time so, my health and fitness was almost non-existent at that point. Skipping forward to now, I’ve been working out five days a week and eating 70% healthy – It’s been making me feel so happy within myself and now I’m ready to keep pushing. I think the thing that’s motivating me to work harder now is the fact that I can see the smallest most baby abs peeking through BUT they’re definitely there.

My health and fitness goals over the next six months are to be working out for at least one hour a day, six days a week. I’m not really into cardio very much so, I would like to develop on my running. Even if I went for a jog once a week, I’m not on about becoming the next Usain Bolt or anything but, I do need to open my lungs up a little bit more. I would like to see more concrete abs forming as well as larger glutes and growing my legs in general. In terms of eating, I would LOVE to get back to a point of being vegetarian or at least on the path to it. I’ve done it once before and I know just how good it made me feel so, I don’t really know what my excuse is? Finally, I would like to practice yoga a little bit – Even if it’s once/twice a week; as long as I form a routine with it, I’d be happy with it.

                                                                                               WORK & MONEY

I was in a bit of an unstable position at the beginning of the year in terms of work ect… What I really wanted was to get a job that I could thoroughly enjoy because at the end of the day, we all need to work for our money but, it’s horrible when certain jobs result in unhappiness. Fast forwarding to now, I have a job that I absolutely love – It’s in the industry that I’m most passionate about which is giving me a proper buzz for life. Yes, sometimes I will come home and I’ll feel knackered but, none of that matters because I’m not tired mentally. Honestly, it is wakening my brain and making me want to work as hard as possible and see where I come out. I also have another job that I really enjoy too. It’s such a chilled out and causal environment and everyone is so lovely. You can’t really ask for anything more.

My goals for the rest of the year in terms of working and money is to basically just keep working hard and building upon my work ethic as I feel a good work ethic really sets you up for life. In terms of money, I definitely want to open a savings account – I have a few ideas about what I want to save for but, I’m not sure yet. I figured that the best thing to do was save anyway and then at least I have the money there when I decide what I need it for. Finally, I want to start putting money by for my pension, even if it’s a fiver a month. Most reactions I’ve got from that have been laughter but, it’s better to start late than never. We’ve all got to remember that one day, we will be old and we may not have a government that gives out a pension. It’s definitely one to think about.

                    GENERAL LIFE & HAPPINESS

This is the last section to this post but, it is by far the most important. I used to have a lot of love and respect for myself, I never thought I was better than anyone or anything like that – It was more that I didn’t let anyone treat me badly more so, I never treated myself badly. Over time I wound up hating myself and all I wanted to do was crawl out of my skin and be someone else. It’s a horrible feeling which is why I set myself a goal to learn to love myself again and to start being nice to myself again. Over the course of this six months, I really have done that. I feel like myself again. I feel comfortable in my own skin. I’ve got my identity back which is beyond empowering. I’m back to having a positive mind set which means it takes a lot to knock me down. I can feel the strength within me, burning like a fire and it’s only growing more and more each day. I stand up for my opinions – I will hear other peoples out but equally, I’ve rediscovered the fact that I have a right to take up space in this world and to put my voice out there.

This is a journey without a destination, I don’t necessarily have an end goal as I want to continually be moving forward and growing as a person. However, I know that by the end of this year I would like to be able to say “I love myself” and 100% mean it. I also want to bring meditation into my life and be practicing it regularly by Christmas time as I feel it’s an amazing thing for self-discovery and to connect to yourself which is EXACTLY what I need to do.


                                                                            OTHER GOALS  

·         Get my provisional licence and pass my provisional test

·         Start an Etsy store (More on this in a few months)

·         To stop one of my bad habits from being a regular thing

Thank you so much for reading, what are your thoughts? I would love to hear about how your year has gone so far and what you want to achieve over the coming months. I love hearing motivating and inspiring stories/goals.

Until next time,

C x